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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  October 30, 2014 12:01am-12:34am PDT

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>> stephen: >> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds, this happened on reddit today. shocking video footage has surfaced which features a sad misguided group of men and women and children who all got dressed up in the same outfits at a religious ceremony and then drank antifreeze. what unfortunate cult was this you ask? it was brian and allie's wedding? take a look.
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>> [ cheers and applause ] >> the expression on this baby is not this (bleep)ing (bleep) again. >> redditor drowsy jimmy attached a go pro camera to a bottle of fireball whiskey at a wedding add then invited guests to swap cold sores. fireball has been recently banned in finland sweden and for way because it contains an ingredient found in antifreeze, although the american fda is totally cool with it, so it's totally fine here. keep chugging that freeze-urp! so completed exrans i would like you to please give me a toast to the happy couple, brian and allie, on their wedding day as a guest who just consumed an excessive quantity of antifreeze. >> congratulations you are the best couple ever and that is
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not the antifreeze talking. >> kevin heffernan, dear brian and allie, i came for the booze, i stayed for the booze nowñi someone light my burdens of proof on fire. >> jay chandrasekhar. >> brian and allie before i get into this toast i want to let everyone know i was doing fireball enemas earlier, so make sure you clean off the bottle before you drink it. >> chris: it's time to start captioning sponsored by comedy central @midnight! welcome to @midnight. i am chris hardwick. and it is hallo-week! >> as you can see, i decided to get into costume early. or i just happened to be wearing
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this today and didn't want to take it off. >> tonight's comedians are from chewing wit kevin and steve pod cast on the nerdist network and fat man little boy on netflix, it's broken lizard's steve lemme and kevin heffernan. >> rounding out the broken lizard theme today the director of such classics assume super it's jay chandrasekhar! such classics as "super troopers," "club dread" and "beerfest", it's jay chandrasekhar! >> i would also like to thank clockwork mature who provided me with sort of, it is kind of a dr. who inspired theme punk steam punk, if i were ever cast as a doctor which i am sure will happen some day this might be, there is actually my name in cal fran, i am not kidding. hang on! that was (bleep) get
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out of here! >> anyway, ripped from today's internet head lines, it's rapid refresh! [ cheers and applause ] >> chris: by odin's beard we have super movie news, yesterday marvel unveiled its phase three slate of superhero movies through 2019, i would like to tip my hat to matt genius, this is a nerdgasming lineup that was perfectly summed up by this vince mcmahon reaction gif on reddit. >> captain marvel, i am intrigued, black panther, okay, sure. doctor strange? oh, my gosh. toss me the hammer, give me some of that! [ cheers and applause ] >> avengers, infinity wars in two parts! now, we couldn't help but notice there was no mention of perhaps the biggest
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marvel movie to date, i am referring of course to the blockbuster from the video production class at new hampshire's merrimack high school, i give you merrimack heroes assemble. >> it was an idea. to bring together the marvelous students and teachers. we are all in this together. rrrr! >> i give it up for these guys. [ cheers and applause ] >> they did a great job. doing it right. now, this is an epic film and i would like you to give me a spoiler for this high school action flick. >> think how mad the hulk will be when he can't see his dick. >> chris: points. kevin heffernan. >> wolverine gets beaten up for
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being in a musical. >> chris: but then he is okay immediately and he is fine. a little song and dance. >> chris: points. jay. >> hulk has to solve a problem at the blackboard but has to conceal his big huge green erection. >> chris: yes. points. that's the end of rapid refresh and now time for hash fag wars. this is very important a very big day. >> sure you guys know today is national cat day. all right? [ cheers and applause ] >> chris: i know that every day on the internet seems like national cat day but this is the one that has been designated to be named as such, so of course we dug up this classic scene from broken lizard's super troopers to celebrate. >> now, where were we? >> are you saying they you? >> am i saying meow? >> do you know how fast you were going?
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>> and hats off to kevin heffernan for doing that. >> in honor of national combat day and broken lizard, tonight's hashtag is #catmovies! >> examples examples might be the, the big meowski or star wars e-purrr-sode 4 a mew hope. or die another day and another day and another day and another day and another day and another day and another day and another day and another day! [ cheers and applause ] i am putting 60-seconds on the clock and go! >> kevin. >> last mouse on the left. >> chris: points. jay. >> star face. >> chris: points. steve. >> gosh darn it there is all over my cat hood of the
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traveling pants. >> chris: points. jay. >> super poopers. >> chris: points. kevin. >> the clump. >> chris: points. steve. >> i have a fur ball in my deep throat. >> chris: points. kevin. >> spayed and confused. >> points. >> finding nemo and then eating him. >> chris: kevin. >> octopus situates. >> octopus-si settlement s. >> conan the veterinarian. >> chris: points. that's the end of hashtags send us your #catmovies and then tag them @midnight to keep the game going. >> our tweet of the day from last night's hashtag was sent to us by @richardhin. well done!
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(bleep). >> chris: welcome back to @midnight. we will be in new york next week starting next monday, november 3rd and all week long is as part of the new york comedy festival, so be sure to keep watching. >> i am shocked and somehow appreciative we are in new york and no dicks are drawn on my face yet on all the posters all over town. >> cool, a little surprising, i suppose. right now it is time to play hal-o-what the (bleep). choors cheers. >> [ cheers and applause ] >> halloween is nigh upon us, but for a certain breed of basement dwelling weirdoes on youtube every day is an excuse to dress up in a homemade costume, that's not weird. >> stop it. i am going to show you a dressed up creep on youtube and for 250-point you are going to have to give me their new
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catchphrase, there spongebob i assume he's not wearing pants. >> uh is for you and me, n is for anywhere under your feet. >> kevin. hey, kids, use my face as a toilet. >> chris:çó points. jay. >> hey, kids, i want you to touch me under my seat. >> chris: next one this terrifying gourmet. >> hello, everyone. i am coming to you with a candy review. oh it smells like stinky parmesan cheese, you know you put on your pizza. >> >> chris: kevin. >> unboy roseanne. >> chris: that is an amazing
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match-up. points. steve. >> does this smell like chloroform to you? >> chris: next one. this lover of exploding fruit. >> >> oh! >> chris: that quickly? >> one of the most amazing things i have ever seen. in my life. yes kevin. >> banana bukake for everyone! [ cheers and applause ] >> chris: jay. >> this is my elaborate scheme to catch a monkey and blow it up! >> chris: points.
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points. and this is the end of hal-o-what the (bleep), time for our next game, photoshop of horrors! photoshop photoshop of horrors, photoshop ♪ >> photoshop of horrors. >> i am dressed like this and singing musicals, ladies. >> photoshop is good it is great, when it is bad it's even greater. you find them all over the web from photoshop to to >> i am going to show you a closeup of a photoshop disaster and you tell me what is wrong with that picture. all right. the first one. who is the whose bikini line is it, anyway? >> is it somebody else's boobs or two belly buttons. >> somebody else's boobs or two belly buttons kevin. >> someone else's boobs. >> chris: i hope so.
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let's find out. >> no. >> does that mean she has two vaginas too? [ cheers and applause ] >> it seems like you could go boeing with go bowling with that person. >> you could go bowling with that person. >> chris: points to steve lemme. next one. this nutty gun nut. >> too many arms or no pants? >> chris: jay. >> no pants. >> chris: i hope so. let's find out. >> too many arms! >> chris: just one too many arms! hey, dad you want to give me that gun in your other
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(bleep)ing arm! what is happening? next one. this damner diaper model, baby has a victoria's secret followed rack or baby has scary demon eyes. >> i will say baby with a rack. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's what you want. that's what you want. >> chris: what is wrong with you people? do you understand the implications of what you are so excited to see? >> well because that is like that is a baby i would actually hold. [ cheers and applause ] >> chris: points. wouldn't it be cool if babies were like man i am so hungry, ah i have got it. >> or the mom is like, you suck my tits, i suck your tits. >> chris: it the for it the. >> tit for tit thank you, thank you.
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>> let's find out the right answer is scary baby eyes! >> it is like, i will get you. that's the end of photoshop of horrors and time for our live challenge, in the zone. in the zone. >> i am sorry, i was just spacing out. i am training for next year's space-out competition in seoul south korea. >> let's take a look at this year's contest. .. >> no word whether or not that guy just drank fireball at allie's wedding. >> competitors in the space-out
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competition sit around and try to go to a happy relaxing place and are monitored for no sudden movements and consistent heart rates. after three hours, the most zoned out person wins. what do they win? i don't know. blood clots in their legs? i don't know what they win. >> they are on the show now, i don't know what what happens after that. enlightenment? >> i would like you to go to your happy place and see who can get the most zoned out. i of course will be monitoring your thoughts. we will see who goes farthest into deep spaceout when we come back with more @midnight.
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welcome back to @midnight. before the break i asked our comedians, of broken lizard to space out in honor of the recent spacedout competition let's see how they are doing. >> why did i (bleep) all of those chimps in liberia? why couldn't i have just found a nice american chimp to (bleep)? >> kevin heffernan. >> she won't do it you will regret it for the rest of your life, walk up to him after the show and say thanks for having me chris. and then -- >> chris: interesting. jay. >> why did i go sloppy seconds on steve's chimps? why?
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>> chris: all right. thousand standpoints to jay, 500 to jay, 250 to kevin. >> and we go to our next game regret finder, regret finder. in honor of national cat day why don't you go on petfinder and adopt a pet. there are millions of fury little friends out there who need a good home but some of the pets come with a few red flags. i want you to give he me a line from a petfinder listing that would make you think twice. >> for sale chimp loves to (bleep). >> chris: points. yes, kevin. >> enjoys playing catch with scrotum. >> chris: points. kevin. >> friendly, but racist. >> chris: points. steve. >> for sale, siamese fighting
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fish, 0 and six. >> chris: points. kevin. >> liked it when you peon him. >> chris: points. jay. >> will eat peanut butter off off a jar but not off certain body parts. >> chris: kevin points. >> incontinent but loves to snuggle. >> chris: points. that brings us to the end of regret finder. i see that jay, you are in third place. i know. red light! that means it is time for the buzzer beater. it is for the win. >> the nba season tipped off last night which means it's time for counterfeit jersey makers in china to start turning out low quality knockoffs like this one we found in epic,
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give it up for your 2014 los angeles lekars! >> in classic baby blue, during the break i want you to come up with an appropriate knockoff about the lekars which i would probably believe are real. and we will have those when we come back to @midnight. applebee's let the fans put their favorite dishes on the famous 2 for $20 menu. why did i put the bourbon street chicken and shrimp on applebee's 2 for $20 menu? because it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. hi.
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oh, happy birthday. applebee's. where fans know best.
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welcome back to @midnight. it's time for for the win. >> i am now going to wipe your scores clean. wipe, wipe, wipe wipe. because it all come down to this i will read your answers out loud and you decide the winner. before the break i showed you this chinese counterfeit nba jersey for the lekars, i asked you to come up with a fact about this knockoff team. let's see what you wrote. >> first one. you can see movie star jock knockable son at the home games.
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>> nickelson at the home games. >> or, or. the lekars play their home games at a stable. >> i think it was number one. who was number one? steve lemme, you won the internet! you are the funniest person in the world for the next 23 and a half hours. we will see you all tomorrow night when our guest will be steve agee, aisha tyler and brian posehn. until then keep the game going on twitter by tweeting us @midnight with your #addawordruinahorrormovie and become tomorrow's tweet of the day. good night! >>
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